A comedy film is considered a five-star quality if it leaves a lasting impression and has the ability to evoke the humorous side of the audience. And one of the most legendary was Monty Python and the Holy Grail from the British. If you’re in need of a good laugh, here’s our collection of Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a British comedy film released in 1975 and starring the comedy group of Monty Python (Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin).
This classic film features a parody of the legendary King Arthur on a quest to find the Holy Grail. ’Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ was successful at the beginning of its release, and was nominated for a Hugo Award for the Best Dramatic Presentation category.
Therefore, for comedy film lovers, you should not miss the following collection. Now enter monty python and the holy grail quotes that we’ve listed in several categories.
Hilarious monty python and the holy grail quotes
Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. — Dennis
You can’t expect to wield supreme power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you! — Dennis
I mean, if I went ’round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away! — Monty Python
Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her? She’s beautiful. She’s rich. She’s got huge…tracts of land. — King of Swamp Castle
Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth. — Tim the Enchanter
No chance, English bedwetting types! I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms! — French knight
I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. — French knight
Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. — Cleric
You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called ‘Arthur King,’ you and all your silly English Knights. — French Soldier
We dine well here in Camelot. We eat ham and jam and spam a lot. — Knights of Camelot
Comical monty python and the holy grail lines
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, ‘O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.’ — Cleric
It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut. — Soldier
Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? — Soldier
This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. — King Arthur
This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who. — King of the Swamp (Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes)
You don’t frighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior! — French Soldier
Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise – not only by surprise but totally unarmed! — Sir Bedevere (Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes)
When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. — King of the Swamp
And that one sank into the swamp. So, I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England. — King of the Swamp
Amusing quotes on monty python and the holy grail
Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how’d you got that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. — Dennis
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. — King Arthur
You’re foolin’ yourself! We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class. — Dennis
Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise—not only by surprise but totally unarmed! — Sir Bedevere
No chance, English bedwetting types! I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people’s bottoms! — French Soldier
You must return here with a shrubbery. Or else you will never pass through these woods—alive. — Leader of the Knights Who Say Ni
Look, it’s my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can. — Sir Galahad (Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes)
Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! – Tim The Enchanter (Monty Python and the Holy Grail quotes)
I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot. — King Arthur
This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. — King Arthur
Silliness monty python and the holy grail lines and quotes
Stop! What is your name? — Bridgekeeper
King of the Britons. — King Arthur
What is your quest? — Bridgekeeper
To seek the Holy Grail. — King Arthur
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? — Bridgekeeper
What do you mean? African or European swallow? — King Arthur
What? I don’t know that. — Bridgekeeper
How do you know so much about swallows? — Sir Bedevere
Well you have to know these thing when you’re a king you know. — King Arthur
Quickly, sir! Come this way! — Concorde
No, it’s not right for my idiom. I must escape more. — Sir Lancelot
Dramatically, sir? — Concorde
Dramatically! — Sir Lancelot
Where are you going? — Dingo
I seek the Grail! I have seen it here, in this castle. — Sir Gallahad
Oh no. Oh no. Bad bad Zoot! — Dingo
What is it? — Sir Gallahad
Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting light to our beacon. Which I’ve just remembered, is grail-shaped. It’s not the first time we’ve had this problem. — Dingo
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. — King Arthur
Well I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen. Ah, he’s already got one, you see! — French Guard
What? — King Arthur
He says they’ve already got one! — Sir Gallahad
Are you sure he’s got one? — King Arthur
Oh yes. It’s very nice! — French Guard
I am your king! — King Arthur
Well I didn’t vote for you! — Woman
You don’t vote for kings. — King Arthur
Well how’d you become king then? — Woman
Funny monty python and the holy grail quotes
You can’t expect to wield supreme excutive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. — Dennis
Shut up! — King Arthur
I mean if I went ’round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away. — Dennis
Shut up! Will you shut up! — King Arthur
Ah! Now we see the violence inherent in the system. — Dennis
Will you shut up! — King Arthur
See the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed! — Dennis
You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine. — King Arthur
Oh! Had enough, eh? — The Black Knight
Look, you stupd bastrd, you’ve got no arms left. — King Arthur
Yes, I have. — The Black Knight
Look! — King Arthur
It’s just a flesh wound. — The Black Knight
What makes you think she’s a witch? — Sir Bedevere
Well she turned me into a newt! — Peasant
A newt? — Sir Bedevere
I got better. — Peasant
Burn her anyway! — Crowd
I’m thirty-seven, I’m not old. — Dennis
Well I can’t just call you man. — King Arthur
Well you could say Dennis. — Dennis
I didn’t know you were called Dennis. — King Arthur
Well you didn’t bother to find out, did you? — Dennis
Who are the Britons? — Woman
Well we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king. — King Arthur
Didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. — Woman
You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes. — Dennis
Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again. — Woman
Final thought
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