Browse our collection of the funniest Talladega Nights quotes from the classic NASCAR comedy film, which is sure to make you laugh out loud.
“Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby” is a 2006 comedy movie about NASCAR racing. Starring Will Ferrell as the main character Ricky Bobby, a successful but arrogant driver who is challenged by a new French driver named Jean Girard (played by Sacha Baron Cohen).
The film follows Ricky’s rise to fame in the world of professional racing and his subsequent fall from grace after a series of disastrous events. Along the way, Ricky must navigate his competitive friendship with his teammate and best friend, Cal Naughton Jr. (played by John C. Reilly), and confront his inner demons.
In this article, we’ll explore some of the most memorable and funny Talladega Nights quotes and lines that are sure to make you laugh. Whether you’re a racing enthusiast or just a fan of great comedy, you won’t want to miss out on these iconic quotes.
So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh your way through some of the best moments this classic comedy with Talladega Nights quotes and lines.
Iconic Talladega Nights quotes
I’ve sent in my application to the Real World. So I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting A LOT of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I’m also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like… like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, “hey, what’s up guys? Want some crack?” I’m just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out.
Here’s the deal–I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
You’re not gonna live forever.
No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it’s not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. Heck, I just read in the newspaper that they put a pig heart in some guy from Russia. Do you know what that means?
You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.
Cal Naughton Jr.
Sometimes you get a knock on the head, you get special powers. It happens all the time. Read a comic book, okay?
Cal Naughton Jr.
You gotta win to get love. Everyone knows that. I mean that’s just life.
I hope that both of you have sons. Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.
God needs the devil. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
When you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?
Cal Naughton Jr.
Famous Talladega Nights quotes
Hi, I’m Ricky Bobby. If you don’t chew Big Red, then f–bleep you.
I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?
Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don’t you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!
You don’t drive with your eyes, you drive with your heart.
There’s nothing more frightening than driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.
You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.
“Me” is you. Because it’s just you out there. We don’t have any corporate sponsors, we don’t have any fancy team owners. We have you. And this car, and this cougar, which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome. It’s all there for you.
Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword that Sir Lancelot used to bring together the Knights of the Round Table, until Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen…
It felt like I was on a spaceship…
May God be with you, Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!
Funny Talladega Nights quotes from Ricky Bobby
Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said…”I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces… newborn infant Jesus, don’t even know a word yet.
Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!
I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.
Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!
I feel like I was riding inside an asteroid or a comet or something.
This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.
When you work on your mysterious lady-part stuff, you should have the right tools too. So, that’s why you should use Maypax, the official tampon of NASCAR.
I don’t know what to do with my hands.
Yep, I’m flying through the air. This is not good.
Hilarious Talladega Nights quotes and lines
From Ricky Bobby, Jean Girard to Cal Naughton Jr., our Talladega Nights quotes and lines are sure to leave you in stitches.
Cal Naughton, Jr. : Shake ‘n Bake!
Ricky Bobby : No, never again.
Cal Naughton, Jr. : You’re right. I was like a total dick, man.
Ricky Bobby : From now on, you’re the Magic Man and I’m El Diablo.
Cal Naughton, Jr. : What does Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby : It’s like… Spanish for like a fighting chicken.
Jean Girard : I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say…”I… love… crepes.” [has Ricky in an arm lock]
Cal Naughton, Jr. : Don’t you say it, Ricky. These colors don’t run.
Ricky Bobby : Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it. So why don’t you go ahead and break my arm?
Jean Girard : I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.
Ricky Bobby : Here’s the deal. He’s not gonna break it because I’m gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini!
Jean Girard : Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.
Ricky Bobby : Someone might as well get me a beer while I’m down here.
Jean Girard : But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, “I love crepes.”
Cal Naughton, Jr. : You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They’re just like pancakes, maybe even better.
Ricky Bobby : Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?
Cal Naughton, Jr. : Yeah.
Jean Girard : Yes they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It’s just a French word for them.
Ricky Bobby : Oh, my god, I love those.
Cal Naughton, Jr. : Put any syrups you want on them. I’m just saying, think about it.
Talladega Nights quotes about career
From Susan to Ricky Bobby, get your motor running with these classic Talladega Nights quotes about Ricky’s career!
It’s because it’s what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking.
Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that’s what you need to do. You don’t need to think. You need to drive. You need speed.
You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra!
And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it.
And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN!
And you don’t win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you’re a man, aren’t you? Aren’t you?
Susan, I’ve never heard you talk like that… Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Hey Jamie, losing’s never fun, but here’s a little something to keep your spirits up!
It’s real nice. I got it at Target. It was on sale.
If you ain’t first, you’re last.
Talladega Nights quotes with all due respect
One of the most memorable scenes in Talladega Nights is the “with all due respect” scene. Ricky Bobby has cost his racing team 100 points for making an obscene gesture (flipping the bird) on live TV.
After the race, his team owner (Larry Dennit, Jr.) confronts him about it, and what happens next is priceless. He follows it up with a hilarious insult, completely undermining the notion of respect. The scene is a perfect example of the movie’s humor and the comedic timing of its actors. Let’s check out!
Larry Dennit, Jr. : Ricky, you feel pretty good today, huhh… Ricky, your little obscene gesture is going to cost you 100 points. Do you know how much that costs us in sponsorship dollars?
Ricky Bobby : With all due respect, Mr. Dennit, I had no idea you’d gotten experimental surgery to have your balls removed.
Larry Dennit, Jr. : What did you just say to me?
Ricky Bobby : What? I said with all due respect!
Larry Dennit, Jr. : Just because you say that doesn’t mean you get to say whatever you want to say to me!
Ricky Bobby : It sure as hell does!
Larry Dennit, Jr. : No, it doesn’t–
Ricky Bobby : It’s in the Geneva Conventions, look it up!
This scene perfectly captures the absurdity of Ricky Bobby’s character, who uses “with all due respect” as a way to say whatever he wants while still trying to maintain a sense of politeness. The exchange between Ricky Bobby and Mr. Dennit is both hilarious and absurd, showcasing the film’s over-the-top style and irreverent humor.
Funny Talladega Nights quotes and lines
Rev up your sense of humor with these hilarious Talladega Nights quotes.
Ricky Bobby : Wait, Dad. Don’t you remember the time you told me “If you ain’t first, you’re last”?
Reese Bobby : Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby : That day at school.
Reese Bobby : Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn’t make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth… hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby : What? I’ve lived my whole life by that!
Cal Naughton, Jr. : Shake and bake!
Ricky Bobby : What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!
Jean Girard : Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy?
Ricky Bobby : Wow. I feel like I’m Highlander!
Jean Girard : What is the Highlander?
Ricky Bobby : It’s a movie. It won the Academy Award.
Jean Girard : Oh for what?
Ricky Bobby : Best movie ever made.
Cal Naughton, Jr. : Hey, when you have the stereo and TV on, how do you change the volume on the stereo?
Ricky Bobby : “If you have the stereo on…” Why do you have the stereo on while you’re watching TV?
Cal Naughton, Jr. : ‘Cause I like to party.
Cal Naughton, Jr. : Ricky, I think your house is haunted.
Ricky Bobby : Cal, that is a new house! It just has a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it!
Ricky Bobby : Why the hell am I even talking to you anyway?
Chip : Are you just going to let your sons talk to their grandfather like this?
Ricky Bobby : Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley Bobby : If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!
Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard best lines
Ricky Bobby : I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I’m coming for you.
Jean Girard : Do you know why I came to America, Monsieur Bobby?
Ricky Bobby : Health care systems, giant water parks. The same reason anyone comes to America.
Jean Girard : I came here for you to beat me.
Ricky Bobby : What are you talking about?
Jean Girard : My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants: to tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet, but before I can do that…
Ricky Bobby : That’s dumb.
Jean Girard : It’s not dumb.
Ricky Bobby : It is dumb.
Jean Girard : Why is it dumb?
Ricky Bobby : I don’t know.
Jean Girard : But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.
Ricky Bobby : You saying you’re going to lose to me on purpose?
Jean Girard : No.
Ricky Bobby : No?
Jean Girard : NO! I will battle you with the entirety of my heart and you will probably lose. But maybe, just maybe. You might challenge me. The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones. Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric. Will you be my Katie Couric?
Ricky Bobby : I will not shake your hand, but I will give you this. [kisses Jean Girard]
Jean Girard : You taste of America.
Ricky Bobby : Thank you.
Ricky Bobby : Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Jean Girard : It’s a sign of friendship in many countries.
Ricky Bobby : Well, not here.
Jean Girard : There is nothing sexual about it. Please don’t be worried about the fact that I have an erection. Its has nothing to do with you.
Talladega Nights quotes higlight a hilarious and entertaining movie that has left us with many memorable moments. The film’s witty one-liners and absurdly comedic moments have made it a cult classic among fans of the genre.
Some quotes have become popular catchphrases that are often referenced in pop culture. Overall, Talladega Nights quotes has left a lasting impression on its audience through its humor and memorable moments.
Hope you enjoyed our collection of Talladega Nights quotes as much as we enjoyed compiling them. We encourage you to share these quotes with your friends and family, and let them experience the joy and happiness that comes with Talladega Nights.
These Talladega Nights quotes are sure to resonate with anyone who has a love for over-the-top comedy and unforgettable characters. Thank you for taking the time to explore our collection. And we hope that you continue to find joy and inspiration in the world of film and entertainment.